Doin' It and Doin' It and Doin' It Well.

Hi. My name is Abby and I have verbal diarrhea.

Not really. Well, sometimes... but not like a chronic condition. I've just decided that I have no idea what to blog about so the best (or worst) option may just be to let 'er rip like you just ate a couple sleeves of laxative pills. (I tied that shizzle into the book, y'all).

So... I'm nervous. Let's just get that out there right now. I have this other-worldly idea of bloggers as people that belong to a secret order of some amazing knowledge and understanding that I will never get the secret password to. You know, like Mensa, or Opus Dei, or Magic the Gathering, or Water Street bars. I am, however, really good at faking things. Karen gave me a chance to blog and I feel like I have to run with it... in slow motion... with "Eye of the Tiger" or "Chariots of Fire" playing in the background. This is my moment.

Now... wait. Is this supposed to be about the Bloggess book? Life in general? Deep thoughts? Crap... I'm already f'ing this up. I also don't read directions thoroughly... I always got that shit marked on my standardized tests. I just hated those tests and wanted to get the shit done fast and so I skimmed and assumed. You know what they say about people who assume things? Don't assume that you do, because you might be wrong. I'm actually quite intelligent. And sometimes an ass. I would never presume to think that my assumptions will make an ass out of YOU, though... just me. And... whoever decided that was a clever play on words (the whole, "make an ass out of u and me" thing) was a poor speller. Text message abbreviations weren't even around in the olden days. They should have said "make an ass out of you and me", but then assume would be spelled assyoume and all would be lost.

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. So... how are you? What's new?

(she takes a deep breath and decides to try again)

I will tell you one thing that I do know for sure... I love this book club. I love what it's turned into. I love how different we all are while still being totally connected. I love that there is actually a place in this wide crazy world where a group of strong-ass, smart, gorgeous and unique women can all get together and do what we do (which is, in case you forgot: talk, eat, discuss, drink, laugh, laugh, laugh, support, dance, vent, love, cry, swear, sing, fart, and sometimes birth babies). Thank you for that, you loves.

Meeting parents for the first time

I'm reading about Jenny meeting Victor's parents for the first time and vice versa. I don't really remember anything profound about meeting Keith's parents for the first time or any of my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Which is only 2 other boyfriends. It's not like I had a ton of parents to meet! But I do remember the first time Keith met my parents!
First off I was nervous because when Keith and I had our first date, it was the night before my graduation. After a night of drinking, dancing (which we have on video, another story for another time), and a sordid and steamy night in my dorm room (yes, the first date, of which I'm not proud, but look, we're still together 13 years later), Keith gave me a hickey. The one and only in our 13 year relationship. How do you explain that to your parents at your college graduation?
About a month later I brought Keith home to Clinton, Iowa. We walked into my parents house and the first thing out of my mom's mouth was "Sarah, wait until you see the new fucking huge Walmart." That's my mom, the now pastor's wife. Keith was like, "what am I getting myself into?" And I introduced Keith to my mom and dad. My father got out his wallet and asked "How much do you want for her?"  Nice. At that point I was sure Keith was going to flee!
Luckily the rest of the visit was great and Keith learned to love my parents. It was clear he loved me already, even at a month into the relationship or surely my parents would have scared him away!